“True Colors”

Throughout my career, In almost every legal conflict involving family, at least one person has declared at some point “Now we see his true colors!” or “Now we know who she really is!” All mental health diagnosis and philosophies aside, I am here to tell you that in the middle of family conflict, many people are at their very worst.

For instance, many times in high conflict divorces everything boils down to some object that both parties refuse to budge on. One such time it was a crockpot.  They each insisted the $40 crockpot simply must end up with them. Eventually, the wife’s lawyer was able to convince her to stop spending $300/hour on attorney fees for the $40 crockpot. She conceded to put it on the front porch for the husband to pick up. When he picked it up, a foul odor revealed that she had used it as a receptacle for the dog poo she cleaned up that morning. Sigh. 

I have so many stories of people stooping to such lows, not space for them here. Normal, decent people who do things normal decent people don’t do. The best analogy I can think of is to consider an Olympic runner. If you take this world class athlete, and put him/her in a desert with no water and no shelter, and leave them there for a prolonged period of time… would they be able to run at all? The trauma of a divorce or death in the family is as emotionally overwhelming for many people, as a desert can be to our physical bodies. It can rob us of our dignity and grace and present behaviors we would never contemplate in other circumstances! 

It is rare that families in legal conflicts will be able to part ways and never encounter one another again.  Usually there are at least friends in common, if not children or other family members that will mean we need to move in the same circles. It is helpful to remember that a less "crazy" person may present themselves after the dust has settled. 

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-Angela Lee,J.D.
Attorney and Mediator